Randomness
by Old Grasper Inc
Summary: A strange, strange Gravitation story with added Father Ted, Shaman King, and a small cameo MIB appearance.


Randomness  
  
By Old Grasper Inc  
  
One day Ryuichi was walking down the street. He met Shuichi who had a pet panda. Just then Ren's dad killed the panda randomly. Shuichi started crying really loudly and attempted to kill Ren's dad. He succeeded and everyone went 'YAY' except Ren who shouted 'Oh my god! You killed Dad' (you bastard) So then Ren was mad and went to kill Shuichi. But it turned out it was actually Ryu in disguise so HE WAS DEAD!!! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAAAY! YAAY! Everyone was SO happy, they had a big festival to celebrate the riddance of Ryu from the world. But at the festival, he came back from being dead and went round terrorising people. So Ryuichi had to save the day! He went after Ryu and cried "KUMAGORO BEEEEEAAAAAAAAAM!" And Ryu was dead again. Forever. Everyone was sooo happy (even more so) and they crowned Ryuichi the king of the world. They carried him round on their shoulders and he was super mega happy until ANNA THE POO BRAIN APPEARED. (sarcastic) YAY. Ryuichi didn't like Anna because he may be stupid but he's not that stupid and Kumagoro beamed her as well. Yoh was sad for a split second. Maybe. Nah. He cried 'Yay, I'm single again!' And proposed to Ryuichi because he wanted to be queen. Well, he had the voice anyway. But Ryuichi didn't want to get married to Yoh because he wanted to marry Tatsuha. So Yoh said 'What the hell.' and proposed to Manta instead. Manta said no because it turned out he had been secretly married to Horo Horo all along.  
  
Tatsuha was also very happy and him and Ryuichi decided to get married right now. This is a fic about marriage. Crap. Ryuichi asked Shuichi to be a bridesmaid because he had a special dress all ready that he'd been waiting for the perfect moment to give it to him. Hey wait, is Tatsuha or Ryuichi the bride??? Good question. Hmm... they're both brides, woo, crossdressing! ...I guess...So then everyone crossdressed to, just to be like Ryuichi. Yuki wasn't very happy but he actually kept his dress. o.O Definitely...Ren looked stoopid in a dress and everyone laughed at him. And his shark hair. Manta got to keep his normal clothes because they didn't have a dress small enough. Horo Horo was a bit sad. But wearing a dress cheered him up again. Great. Now this is a fic about transvestites. Dear god. ^_______^ Anyway, back to the wedding. They needed a vicar type person. So along came...FATHER JACK! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!  
  
"Do you take this DRINK! to be your lawful wedded FECK?" He shouted in a state of drunken insanity.  
  
"Hai na no da!" Shouted Ryuichi. "I hope Tatsuha is my feck for ever and ever!" Everyone was shocked that Ryuichi would say such a thing, but Tatsuha didn't mind. Obviously.  
  
"And you, other guy in a dress, do you take this NUN! to be your lawful wedded NUDY FATHER JACK!" Tatsuha was fairly freaked by this weirdo, but he said yes anyway. Ryuichi threw the vase of flowers he had and knocked out Suguru who just happened to be there. Because of the law of randomity, Ren cut Suguru's head off with his lancey thing. Shuichi and Hiro rejoiced because Bad Luck were good again! And because I want to use this phrase, someone weird guy popped up and cried, "It's craplicious!".  
  
"Nani?" said everyone because this fic needs random Japanese. Then agent K came and memory wiped everyone. Because he can. No one remembered the craplicious guy or anything else about the whole of their lives. Ryuichi wondered why he was in a dress. In fact, everyone did. Apart from Manta, he wondered why he wasn't.  
  
"Who are you?" Ryuichi said to Tatsuha.  
  
"Umm... I don't know..." Father Jack, whose drink lined brain had been protected from the memory beam, said "NUNS!" so everyone thought they were nuns.  
  
"Do nuns usually wear wedding dresses na no da," asked Ryuichi. "Hey, why did I put a na no da on the end of that sentence, I didn't mean to na no da. WAAAA na no da!"  
  
Tatsuha didn't know, but he cried "IT'S NA NO DA-ITIS!" anyway and everyone ran away screaming incase they caught it, even thought they didn't know what the feck it was.  
  
Unfortunately, Jack couldn't run away and became infected. "GIRLS na no da! FECK na no da! DRINK na no da! NUNS na no da! Noooonanoooonanoooonanoda!" The only other person who hadn't been affected by K's memory beam thingy was the other K, because he was called K too. Wow, how cool is that?! Not very. Anyway, so K tried to tell Ryuichi he was a rock star and Father Jack he was a strange old fecker. However, they got it the wrong way round and Ryuichi found himself on Craggy Island.  
  
"Ooh, Father Jack, you look different." Screeched Mrs Doyle in her annoying screechy voice. "Are you sober?"  
  
"No, I'm Ryuichi. I think. I'm a strange old fecker. Apparently."  
  
"Ooh. Well, I like the new you. You seem a lot younger. And more good looking." Ryuichi ran out the room screaming as Mrs Doyle tried to kiss him. As he walked through the door, he met someone. A rather gormless priest.  
  
"Who are you then?"  
  
"Ryuichi."  
  
"What, you mean that guy from Gravitation?"  
  
"Wha?"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" It turned out Dougal was a Nittle Grasper fanboy, just like Tatsuha. He tried to glomp Ryuichi, but being Dougal, missed.  
  
"How do you know who I am?" asked Ryuichi, thoroughly confused and scared.  
  
"You're the lead singer of NITTLE GRASPER you fool!" Mrs Doyle told Dougal off for saying fool, because according to her it was a bad word. Anyway, Dougal ran round the house and told Father Ted it was Ryuichi, but Ted just said "Have you been in the coffee beans again?"  
  
"No, he's really here! Come see."  
  
"Tohma isn't there as well, is he?"  
  
"No, who's Tohma?"  
  
"THE KEYBOARDY GUY!"  
  
"Oh, I was only paying attention to Ryuichi." Ted despaired (anyone who lived with Dougal would) and went down to see Ryuichi, autograph book in hand. Poor Ryuichi wondered why all these people knew him, and jumped out the window trying to get away. "Ooh, Father Jack ran away!" Cried Mrs Doyle. Ted and Dougal shook their heads in shame. It wasn't worth explaining so they told her to go and make more tea. "Please tell me," said Mrs Doyle.  
  
"No."  
  
"Ah, go on, go on, go on, go on..."  
  
I can't be bothered with this plot line anymore, so let's go back to the real Father Jack, who scared the hell out of Tohma when he turned up for rehersals the next day.  
  
"AH!" Tohma cried, out of characterly. "IT'S A STRANGE OLD FECKER!"  
  
"TOHMA!" said Noriko. "Don't use such language, you're an idol to millions of people, set a good example."  
  
"You're saying I can't fucking swear once in a while, bitch?!"  
  
Noriko sighed. "Ryuichi, what happened to you? You look 40 years older. I bet it was Tatsuha, wasn't it?"  
  
"DRINK!" Cried Father Jack.  
  
"Oh dear." Noriko shook her head. "You didn't get drunk did you? That's very unlike you. Still that explains why you look older...Hangover." She gave a motherly tut.  
  
"GIRLS!"  
  
"What? Ryuichi, I thought you were gay."  
  
"NUNS!"  
  
"Ryuichi, what have you been getting up to?"  
  
"FECK!"  
  
"Ah," said Tohma in a wise tone. "It seems Ryuichi is taking after my (wonderful) example and wants to become a pimp." Father Jack's face lit up at the idea.  
  
"GIRLS!"  
  
"Yes, that's right, girls... Ryuichi m'boy, if you want to be successful, I suggest you start up a record company. Lots of naive young stars, they're perfect." Noriko stormed out of the room, totally disgusted. Tohma pointed after her and said, "That's why you don't get any girl pimps around."  
  
"GIRLS!"  
  
"I'm gonna have to get you to stop saying that," said Tohma as he took off his hat. "Here," he said, handing it to Father Jack, "you have to look the part. I would give you the jacket too, but..." He clutched it like a girl, "It's my special jacket...."  
  
"NUNS!" shouted Father Jack before he fell asleep. Standing up. He is an old person after all.  
  
Tohma looked at him, almost in disgust and said, "My god, what does Tatsuha- san see in him?" Taking his hat back (after all, he's not REALLY that nice) Tohma decided that Ryuichi had become boring. 'Hang on,' thought Tohma, 'since when did Ryuichi start falling asleep in the middle of the day? And when did he get taller than me?!' Tohma gasped. 'Oh my god!' he thought (loudly), 'THAT'S NOT RYUICHI! IT REALLY IS A STRANGE OLD FECKER!' He said, out loud this time, "I must find the real Ryuichi! Come, faithful Noriko!" But she was gone. "Damn. I'll actually have to do something for myself for once... To the Pimp Mobile!" So that's where he went. All the way to the airport. Cars, no matter how wonderful they may be, can't cross water. Tohma remembered that Ryuichi had also acquired an Irish accent, so boarded the next plane for Ireland.  
  
The trip was hell. The woman next to him was scared of flying and kept grabbing his special jacket. It would take him hours to get those creases out. The plane also didn't serve any alcohol. What did they think Tohma was going to drink, orange juice? But, however bad something is, it can't last forever. So he stepped (shakily) off the plane, many hours later in Ireland. A mysterious old Irish woman came up to him and said "You'll be looking for Craggy Island then?" Tohma considered, decided that was a good a place as any to start, and nodded. "Follow me..." She said, and walked away into the fog. That had magically appeared. Tohma followed, but was very worried that that the fog might damage his special jacket. 'Ryuichi better be worth this,' thought Tohma. Suddenly they were on an island. 'Holy feck, did I walk over water?!' Tohma thought, but shrugged it off. 'Well, I suppose I AM god...' There was nothing except a house in front of him, so he decided to knock on the door. Which he did.  
  
"Hello, OH MY GOD, TOHMA!" shouted the priest who opened the door. "I'm Ted Crilly, your biggest fan, please teach me the ways of the pimp." Ted tried to snatch his hat off, so Tohma took a step back.  
  
"Actually, I'm looking for someone. Have you seen a guy called Ryuichi, quite tall, green hair, mental age of three?"  
  
"Yes. He left about half an hour ago. He jumped out of the window. Please teach me, please..." Tohma politely declined, and went into the forest to look for Ryuichi. He shouted his name lots, and eventually someone shouted back.  
  
"TOHMA!" came the voice, and it was Ryuichi! Even though technically, he shouldn't remember...who cares. Ryuichi latched onto Tohma's leg and cried.  
  
"Ryuichi, what happened to you?"  
  
"I don't know, but I think I may have become a priest..." Tohma tried to shake the weeping man child off, but he wouldn't let go.  
  
Tohma sighed and said, "I think somehow you switched places with someone, because an Irish priest came to rehersals yesterday."  
  
"Oh. He didn't steal Kumagoro did he?" Ryuichi remembered important things like Tohma, Kumagoro and how to speak. But he didn't remember Tatsuha??? They'd just got married, all the romance goes when you get married, leaving Tatsuha as nothing. ;_; So Ryuichi doesn't love him anymore...? Let's see. *Magically eveyone's back in Japan.* "Ryuichi, this is Tatsuha."  
  
"Nice to meet you." Tatsuha and Ryuichi stared at each other, then Ryuichi said to Tohma, "Man, he's hot."  
  
"Well tell him, not me." So Ryuichi did.  
  
"Ya think so?" asked Tatsuha.  
  
"Hai."  
  
"Cooooooooool!" *back in Ireland* Thanks for answering my question! Back to the confusing plot.  
  
"No, Kuma's safe. I'll make a pimp of him yet..."  
  
"Nani?"  
  
"Oh, nothing, he's safe, that's all you need to know."  
  
"Tohma...you're really weird."  
  
"...I know."  
  
"Tohma, where do I live?"  
  
"Japan."  
  
"Can we go there?"  
  
"OK."  
  
So off they went. They didn't serve alcohol on that flight either, so when they landed, Tohma's eye was twitching oddly. He also appeared to have gone slightly schizophrenic, and kept trying to strangle people then stopping himself. Ryuichi walked a few metres behind him. "Let's go find Noriko."  
  
"She's that girl in that band isn't she?"  
  
"Yes, she's 'that girl' from Nittle Grasper. She's also been one of your best friends for ages. You need your memory back soon, I don't want to have to introduce you to everyone." So, they went and found Noriko.  
  
"Hello, evil pimp of doom, hello Ryuichi. You are Ryuichi, right?"  
  
"I think so...Did you and Tohma have a fight?"  
  
"Not exactly... Anyway, we're friends again now, aren't we."  
  
"I suppose." Noriko knocked Tohma's hat off.  
  
"So, what am I doing here again?" Said Ryuichi.  
  
Tohma sighed. "You're here to sing. That's what bands do."  
  
"I'm not stupid."  
  
"Oh, there are many who would beg to differ."  
  
"What? Tohma, what was I like?"  
  
"Um...I think Noriko can handle that question, can't you Nori-chan..."  
  
"Of course I can. Ryuichi, you were unfailingly nice to everyone, adored by millions (much like Tohma) and you had a bit of a split personality thing going on."  
  
"Well I would have said you were a bit of a freak, but Noriko put it nicely I suppose."  
  
Noriko gave Tohma an evil look and hugged Ryuichi. "I liked you anyway. Even if Mr Pimp didn't."  
  
Tohma glared back at her, and said, "I never said I didn't like him!" and hugged Ryuichi too.  
  
Ryuichi gave him a weird look. "Tohma...I'm not gay am I?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Oh..." Ryuichi shrugged and just hugged them back. And everyone lived happily ever after...  
  
WAIT A MINUTE! What happened to Father Jack?  
  
Well, Bad Luck had an opening didn't they. So now, they have a new keyboardist. Their new album, Fecking Nuns, is a huge hit. Expect a tour soon, if they can sober up in time....  
  
FIN. 


End file.
